As you might probably know by now, I’m usually highly dismissive of Sumiko Tan’s columns.
But after she’s written so many columns of questionable quality over the years, I guess she was finally due for a good one.
No, but seriously folks, I thought her article in yesterday’s Sunday Times (entitled “We Are Who We’ve Loved”) was wonderful.
You’ve got to give credit where it is due.
I can’t find a link of the column online, so I guess I’ll just highlight the best bits.
Basically, she wrote about the many valuable lessons she has learnt about love over the years, through her past relationships.
She listed down quite a number of things she’d learnt, and I couldn’t help but feel that many of them were very true.
“If a man is just not that into you, move on, and quickly.”
Her point was that if you’re the one doing the chasing, then you’d only end up being in a world of hurt.
This probably only applies to women chasing men, and not the other way round.
“You can’t make someone love you just because you love him.”
Sad, but true.
If a guy isn’t into you in that way, then I’m sorry but there is little chance that he would one day somehow see the light and suddenly fall head over heels for you.
“If a man really loves a woman, he’d marry her.”
This was the point that I really liked the most.
Yes, I think that is so true.
Look, if you’re both past the age of say 27 or 28, and if he truly loves you, he would definitely want to marry you and make you his wife.
Simple as that.
Guys don’t beat around the bush when they get to that age and when they think they’ve found the one they truly love.
“If a man loves you, he’ll buy you presents.”
Not always true, I’m afraid.
Don’t use presents as a guage of a man’s love for you.
A man may buy you presents even if he doesn’t love you, and a man may not buy you that many presents even if he loves you.
“Keep an open mind. You might have an image of what your perfect husband should be like, but get over it. Life’s not a fantasy.”
I’ve realised one thing, and it’s quite a sad thing – a woman’s expectations of her ideal husband will get lower and lower as she grows older.
I’ve spoken to enough women to know this for a fact.
But you could probably say that it applies to men as well.
“Don’t underestimate kindness, gentleness and patience in a man.”
Well said, ma’am.
Kindness, gentleness and patience are qualities which are hard to find, and both men and women would do well to find mates who indeed possess such beautiful qualities.
“If he doesn’t share your sense of humour, you’re going to have a frustrating and boring life together.”
I think this ties in with the whole notion of being of the “same frequency”.
At the end of the article, Sumiko Tan also shared what her husband H’s lessons from love were:
“Marry a woman you fancy, who’s considerate, who gets you, who loves you, and whom you have absolutely no doubts or misgivings about.”
Don’t you just love the way guys are always so succinct and not long-winded?
Judging by your response to Sumiko’s article, it appears that you dont think deeper than you should. A man, we are.
Her article is filled with the most obvious beginning with the first one – If a man is just not……move on…”
Would today’s woman want to beg or grovel for love? Hey this is no 1950 The Good Earth you know. This is 2011 and every woman is as capable if not more capable than a man these days. And speaking of modern woman, marriage has been pushed to the edge of the tea cup no thanks to that elusive and expensive HDB flat. So love does not necessary come with a proposal. The rest of what she wrote is ridiculous and obvious to say the least.
Until and unless I come across a better piece from her, I shall just withhold my praise or even give her credit for all the experiences she had gone through in her life, in the name of love.
No, in this case, I definitely won’t be the person who have loved someone before, especially a worthless love.
Haha…what an coincident! Wasn’t this what we had talked about regarding on this Sumiko Tan’s article. I fully agree if a man really loves a woman, he will marry her. I had shared my this view with some of my friends (both men and women) and had “gan na” quite a lot of objections and “bombings”! haha…! And after that, not learning my “lesson”, I was the one who started it and discussed further with my friends on “If a woman loves a man, she will naturally want to bear a child for him if circumstances allow them to”. And guess what?? Even more “bombs” dropping on my head!!! hahaha…..