A few weeks ago there was an article in the Sunday Times (here) about dining alone.
It seems like dining out alone is a really taboo thing in Singapore.
Or is it?
The article quotes a lady as saying: “There is too much stigma involved. I do not want people to stare at me. It looks like I am a sad, middle-aged woman, eating all alone. What will people think?”
Indeed.
I know of a number of female friends who have told me that they would not be caught dead dining alone. Ever.
They would very much rather da bao or cook at home than eat out at a restaurant alone.
Apparently the phobia of being seen eating alone is just too great.
Which then naturally leads to the question – What exactly is so wrong about eating alone?
Guys usually have no problems with that.
Truth be told, I eat alone most of the time during weekdays…and I kinda enjoy it, really.
(I can just see the “That’s because you’re a sad case!” jibes coming. Save it, folks. I saw it coming from miles away, haha!)
Is it because if a lady eats alone, it suggests that she is sad and has no friends?
Is it because it suggests that she has no life and that nobody wants to hang out with her?
Is it because it suggests that she is unwanted, unloved, and undesired?
Is the fear of being perceived as such so great that it absolutely prevents so many ladies from eating alone?
Occasionally, when I’m eating alone, I might spot a lady who appears to be eating alone as well (“appears” being the operative word).
Normally, based on my many observations, she would always be furiously fiddling about with her phone to give the impression that she is actually waiting for a friend to arrive and is in the midst of trying to text her friend back and forth.
It’s like her body language is saying “Hey, don’t get me wrong! I’m not here alone. I’m just waiting for my friend to arrive. See, I’m texting her right now!”
(Trust me, I’ve dined out alone often enough to understand diner-behaviour.)
Either that, or she dines entirely alone…but she is not local.
I get the impression that eating alone is not as big a taboo for foreign ladies as it is for Singaporean ladies.
Just a hunch.
…
The Joys of Eating Alone
Y’know, I actually really enjoy eating alone.
To me, it’s a liberating experience.
Maybe it’s because I’m an introvert, and I find socialising more strenuous than enjoyable, that’s why I always look forward to eating alone.
Besides, I get to choose wherever I want to eat, whatever I want to eat, however much I want to eat, and however quickly I want to eat.
It’s amazing how much you get to observe when you eat alone.
And it’s amazing how much (inadvertent) eavesdropping you get to do too.
Well, you know…I do have a pair of ears, and since ears were made to be able to hear normal conversation from three feet away, it is unavoidable that I am able to hear stuff that people on my left and right say during a meal.
I can say for a fact that lunch-time conversations between colleagues will always only revolve around one topic and one topic only – work.
It’s amazing how people always yearn to get away from the office, but once they’re out for lunch, their entire conversation is spent talking about the workplace.
Guys will talk about the challenges at work and how they intend to overcome their challenges and achieve the targets that are set for them or close the next deal, yada yada yada.
Girls will just bitch about their colleagues and bosses, period.
So there you go.
Anyone else who is keen to also experience the joys of eating alone is most welcomed to join me for a meal anytime.
(You’re so going to say “Your last statement didn’t make any sense!”. Yup, I saw that coming too.)
Eating to some people is a form of social behavior. It is actually not a matter of self affirmation or self-confidence. It would be sad if those people think that girls or some guys don’t want to be seen as a loner or something of that sort.
Jeremy, you have got to understand that people enjoy eating with friends not primarily because of the food but also because of the companionship that is there.
I may not know girls well but I think they are very sociable creatures. That’s why I figure many of them don’t like to dine alone in restaurants. Maybe there could also be the fact that they don’t want to be seen alone- but I would think that that only applies to some.
Do you know that I have a friend who is a vegetarian but his friend is a meat lover. The friend could not accept my friend as he is a vegetarian. True, when eating, it is you eat yours, I eat mine; then how come this person could not accept my friend? Think about it. It’s like some girls who like to jog and they prefer their bf to jog with them- jogging only mah you may say , what’s the big deal right? Think about that too.
They are basically social creatures. Do take note of that particularly when in future you intend to ask someone you like out on a date. Casual to you it may seems, but to them it could be something more……
I could be wrong of course.
Yup I definitely agree on the part about girls being social creatures. If you remember back in school, female classmates always had to go to the toilet in pairs, never alone. Even my teacher once remarked, “How come girls cannot go to the toilet alone ah? Every time must go in pairs.”…haha!
I picked up on the ‘introvert’ part – as you know, I’m an extrovert but I love eating alone too.
In fact, there are quite a number of things I like to do alone – shopping and movies (time to time lah, mostly the chick flicks my hubby dun wanna watch) – just to name a few.
There were a number of times that I walked into a restaurant and asked for a table for one, and the waiter/waitress would cast me a look as if to say, “You poor thing!”. Hah, I’m used to that by now.
I also agree, sometime it’s just too strenuous to make ‘fake conversations’… I normally zone out when I’m not interested anyway. Rather than engage in ‘fake small talk’, I’ll eat alone and enjoy my own thoughts :)
“There were a number of times that I walked into a restaurant and asked for a table for one, and the waiter/waitress would cast me a look as if to say, “You poor thing!”. Hah, I’m used to that by now.”
Yup I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I think this is precisely why a lot of females dread having to dine alone, because there seems to be a heavy stigma associated with this in Singapore, for some strange reason.
haha… i was eating my lunch alone while reading blog :p
usually i will not dine at a resturant by myself. too expensive… haha… fastfood more economical, nicer to people watch as well :p only exception is when i wanna read something, then i will go to some nice lounge or resturant
Hmm…think I had a similar post about this “social behaviour” some time ago.
I’m fine with eating alone, especially when I want time to myself. Occasionally, I will take time off work to do my own stuff, to do QT, etc., and obviously, nobody will be taking time off work with me for such things. Also, I don’t want to impose my food (places) preferences on others.
Don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy eating with friends and that is more for the company usually. Of course good food helps. :) It’s especially more fun if they enjoy trying new places together.
generalisation abt the genders lor…
i often eat alone…and i LIKE eating alone..and i wont be busy texting pple..i’d be busy taking photo of my food, and chilling with a mag..and observing the pple ard.
i like that solitude moments.
peace out!:)
Yup that’s good. Good that we both enjoy eating alone. I guess the only difference then is that you take photos of your food, whereas I don’t even own a camera, haha!!! =)
Oh yes, yup I also enjoy the part about observing people around us. Human behaviour can be fascinating at times.
to add on, i’d MUCH rather eat alone than with someone i don’t like!
Totally agree 100%!