There was this highly entertaining exchange that went on in the Straits Times Life! section a few weeks back.
I wanted to link to it, but it was nowhere to be found online.
However, today I was thrilled to stumble upon it on someone’s blog.
(Link)
Basically it started when a writer named Sandra Leong wrote a column in Life! about how one of her girlfriends, H, was dumped by her boyfriend because he felt she was overweight.
To quote from Sandra’s article:
“Now, H is nowhere near fat. She’s somewhere between a size 8 and a 10. And she doesn’t have any rolls of fat bursting from her clothes. So there’s no reason for the insensitive brute to feel that way. So it really surprised me that she didn’t proceed to sock him in the head. “No point,” she said, with a sigh. “He can’t love me for the way I am and I accept that.”
Then she began to lament the fact that how come women can accept and love men of various shapes & sizes, but men are so superficial when it comes to being attracted to women?
In other words, why are men so unfair?
…
The Reply
Next came a most surprising reply from a fella named “Mr Sim S K”.
Powerful stuff, I tell ya.
I’ve not read replies in the Straits Times which made me go “whoa!” in a long, long time. (Not to say I’m agreeing with everything he says, mind you. I’m just saying I was taken aback by his “bravery” to submit something like that.)
To quote:
“Dear Sandra, your friend was dumped because she was fat – get over it. between size 8 and 10 may not be obese but for a young Chinese woman, that’s fat. Her intelligent ex-boyfriend was probably looking into the future after she’s had two or three children. Like your male colleagues have told you, women don’t mind an ugly man so long as he is rich enough. Men don’t mind, well pretty much anything, about a woman so long as she is beautiful enough. So your chubby friend should get off her ample bottom and exercise or she can spend her life alone except for her good friends Haagen and Dazs.”
…
Truth?
Now I’m sure Mr Sim’s reply has raised the ire of many people, both women and men, in Singapore due to his blunt, sexist and over-generalised remarks.
But instead of joining the hordes in condemning Mr Sim, let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture.
Let’s ask ourselves this question: Is there any truth whatsoever to Mr Sim’s assertion?
Do men really go for looks, and women really go for money?
Personally, from a guy’s point of view, I’ve got to admit that even though looks alone are never the final deciding criteria for me, I cannot deny that looks are not a factor at all. Like it or not, looks definitely play a part…if not in anything else, at least in making a very strong first impression. Men are visual creatures by nature.
(Ok, I spent like the last three minutes carefully choosing my words and coming up with that super politically-correct paragraph above.)
So what do you think?
Do men always go for beautiful women, and women always go for wealthy and successful men?
Hmm…not really. Think we’ve read in the papers before that some men have affairs with uglier women than their wives, which can be rather longstanding ones where the men seek this other woman for companionship.
Women, don’t necessarily need to have a wealthy man. Think the underlying thing here is stability. Probably someone with a stable income & cares for her. If the wealthy man neglects her, she wouldn’t be happy, for though cliche, women are the more ‘feeling’ party. If the man happens to be wealthy, it’s a plus, but all these can disappear in a flash. Haven’t we read of women who stay by their husbands even through hard times? Besides, some women go for looks too you know.
Personally, my 1st criteria is that he must be a man of GOD. This would have covered most things already, whether it’s character or wealth. After which some similar interests count. Looks? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so who knows?
But I think the man’s comment is totally mean and superficial. He does not know the meaning of love. Looks are only transient and what keeps a relationship going is what’s inside. Besides whether it’s size 8 or 10, what’s her height? Think that boyfriend of hers was just finding an excuse to break up. If he minds her weight, even if he get someone who ‘looks’ good now, highly likely he might leave that other person when she grows old. Such a man is no point having.
Hmm…looks like I gave a long comment.
i wont even bother going there.
the women know. the men know. the women dun need to know what the men know and the men dun need to know what the women know.
;)
Lingfeng: That was a lengthy, but very matured, thoughtful and sensible reply. I must commend you for your very measured response.
I loved it when you said “…whether it’s size 8 or 10, what’s her height?” Hahaha! That was a good one! I never thought of it that way before.
Shir: Wah, cryptic leh! Cheemology indeed…but I think I get (a bit) of what you’re trying to say.
Yupz I read this too! At first I thought the guy was such a jerk… I mean she can lose the weight right…. but after thinking about it, I reckoned he could have jilted her because he saw that she didn’t bother to take care of herself and didn’t bother to look good for him now that the “attract him!” phase is over.
Hee, why am I being so nice to that guy? For all we know, he is really the superficial jerk that he is!
Though I feel that chasing after the prettiest and the richest is downright superficial, I guess it’s only human nature to strive for the best. Just don’t go overboard and don’t expect too much, for Beauty and Wealth will fade one day.
P.S I wonder what next weekend’s column is going to be? ;p
I agree with what Lingfeng said. Beauty and wealth are transient things. I guess the most important thing to consider is the person’s character and whether both can communicate well.
However, I do agree that physical attraction is important to a certain extent – some people are more particular ‘cos maybe they are “artistic” so they require their partner to be a piece of “art” too haha. Well, just remember that while you are choosing, others are choosing as well.
Hey yah HL, agree with you especially when you said “just remember that while you are choosing, others are choosing as well.” Think many people forget that.
I recall reading from a Christian relationship book that even though you are praying specifically for the qualities you want for your other half, you yourself must also make the effort to prepare yourself for him/her during the wait. I think sometimes we don’t meet ‘The One’ because GOD finds we are not ready for each other, so each of us, while “demanding” this or that, must ourselves grow to be “worthy” for what we ask for.