(Note: Slightly melodramtic post. I’m writing this late at night and will probably regret what I’ve written come tomorrow morning, but ah well.)

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If there is ONE thing I’ve learnt this year, it is to cherish whatever relationships you currently have at the moment, because nothing stays the way you expect it to be forever.

This year alone, I’ve encountered numerous situations whereby forced physical seperation (due to totally unforeseen circumstances) had put my relationships with loved ones to the test. These relationships include those at the workplace, in church, as well deep-rooted friendships on a personal level.

One by one, these major tests began to imbue in me the fact that one can never take relationships for granted, because physical proximity with loved ones is never a guaranteed thing. Today you may be able see each other on a frequent basis…but come tomorrow, you may find yourselves not being able to meet up even once a month.

If there’s one thing I’ve learnt, it is that one can never take one’s friends for granted.

You think they can always be with you forever…but that’s not always the case. 

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I still remember ten years ago, during one of my GP classes in junior college, my GP tutor asked each of us to go up and give a short talk about “What I Fear The Most”.

Now, I don’t remember what I myself shared about, but I still remember very clearly one of my female classmates (I can still remember her name – Jennifer) saying that the thing she fears most is losing her friends. She feared facing the day when she has to bid farewell to her friends due to whatever reason that forces them to separate physically, e.g. graduation.

And I still remember thinking to myself that that was a rather erm, trivial thing to get scared about.

But I guess it took me ten years to fully appreciate what Jennifer was talking about.

(Us guys are slow in that way.)

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It’s sad to know that a close buddy of yours is going away to the States for the next ten years or so. (I won’t exactly say who, but he’s on my blogroll!)

Deep inside you both intend to keep the friendship as ”alive” as it has always been even though you’re miles apart…but in reality it never happens, cos physical separation always brings about emotional separation too. That’s always the case. (“Outta sight, outta mind” is what they always say.)

It’s hard to keep the friendship going when there isn’t regular physical contact. Sure, you’d both send the odd email or two every once in awhile, but emailing is never quite the same thing, is it? What’s missing is the facial expression, the exact timbre of the voice, the sound of the laughter, the look in the eyes, the odd bodily gestures, etc. 

Think back to your best friends in primary school. Are they still your best friends now, after all these years? If so, chances are you guys have been keeping in really close contact all these years. If not, then if you were to meet your best friend in primary school today, you’d probably not even know how to start a conversation.

The cultivation of good friendships requires constant physical interaction. That’s why virtual “friendships” are never really quite the same thing, in my opinion. You make friends online, but when you guys actually meet up, it’s a totally different feeling. Weird, in fact. (I know, cos I’ve experienced this kinda thing before.)

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Have you ever tried meeting up for coffee with really old friends?

As in, really old friends…friends you’ve never seen in at least 8 to 10 years?

I’ve tried it before. And it was usually quite awkward, to say the least.

Sometimes midway through our conversation over coffee, it would just suddenly dawn on me that we have almost nothing to talk about! Cos we’ve been out of touch for so many years that I hardly even know this person sitting in front of me. (To think we were almost inseparable back in school.)

Who is this stranger sitting in front of me?

Sometimes I even wonder what we have in common anymore, apart from the fact that I remember this stranger as so-and-so from primary school.

I tell you, school reunions are a weird thing.

It’s like meeting with a bunch of complete strangers, just that you all know that you once had something in common, and that you all once actually went to school togther, and that you all once were actually friends.

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Anyway, back to this buddy of mine:

My buddy and I were never really each other’s best friend.

I never really considered him my closest friend, and neither did he, I think. We were both aware of that, but then again, it didn’t matter to us one bit. (Us guys are not petty in that way.)

But what we had was a really good understanding of each other.

He knew what I was thinking most of the time, even though I didn’t say it. And I knew what he was thinking most of the time too, even though he didn’t say it.

There were many times, when we were having a conversation in a large group, and we knew what each other was thinking and we would both behave accordingly.

For example, someone in the group might ask me to elaborate on a particularly sensitive issue, but I’d just give some vague response as I did not wish to elaborate. And although he knows all the details, he would not simply blurt out them out because he would have understood that I did not want to elaborate on the issue at hand. He would just keep silent. 

Another example: Sometimes in the midst of a conversation, someone deliberately puts him in a difficult spot by asking him a tough question. Sensing that he might not be in the right state of mind to find a proper answer to the question, I would immediately offer a good response on his behalf to “fend off” the attack. 

That’s what I really liked about our friendship. There was this unspoken telepathy and camaraderie.

He looked out for me, and I looked out for him.

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Our toughest times were spent in the army.

That’s where we probably saw the best and worst of each other.

And in a way, I’m really thankful for that, because anything that came after we ORD’ed from army was considered a breeze. Nothing else after that could test us in the same way as being in the army did.

So our friendship was effectively a walk in the park by the time we ORD’ed in ’01.

That’s the great thing about the army. It helps you make friends for life, cos if your friendships can endure through the army then it can endure through anything that comes after that.

So maybe, our friendship can endure the next ten years after all.